Friday, April 29, 2011

Guest Post: Frenemies

Ladies and Gents, it is time again for a Guest Post from my good friend over at Ghostman on 3.  I'm sorry I've been so absent, but maybe this small exchange of fightin' words will make up for it.  This is how we spend our precious evenings conversing with each other.  For real.
The Twitterverse is all abuzz this morning, following the announcement from @ajakz of an old-fashioned street fight, aka dance-off, between herself and @jambon3. While the challenge appears to be nothing more than some "friendly competition," rest assured these things never end nicely. Feelings will get hurt, asses will be made, muscles will be pulled. It's not going to be pretty. But, then again, what duals are??
So, how did this all transpire?? Was @jambon3 provoking @ajakz, attempting to take advantage of @ajakz's recent knocked-upness? Was @ajakz bluffing, knowing all along she has a massive advantage (i.e., years of dance experience vs. @jambon3's years of watching Soul Train and The Grind on TV and subsequent failed attempts to replicate moves in public)? Was this just all for publicity to promote @ajakz's new movie or @jambon3's new t-shirt? Was this just an attempt to overshadow the "reason for the season," i.e., Daina? Was this the result of drunken text messages? Who will be the Vegas favorite to bring the title home? Will the world be able to pick sides without feeling guilty?
Anyways-the original question was, how did this all happen? It kind of (verbatim) went down like this:
Joy: "....I can't stand the thought of being on the receiving end of your infamous 'stank eye.' Pls smile &get drunk with me!!
AJ: "I told you, I'm going with the flow. It is so fucking on. Word."
Joy: "are you interested in bars or clubs Saturday night? Do u have any recommendations?"
AJ: "Doesn't matter. A bar with a tv would be nice, so I can unleash my inner redneck and check on the race."
Joy: "Ohhh. I don't even know who you are anymore...."
Joy: "Clubs do kind of suck....I'm a baseball gal, meself."
AJ: "Hmmmm, I can still bust a move with the best of 'em."
Joy: "Dance off!!!"
AJ: "Oh hell to the Yes Ma'am! Bring it."
Joy: "Oh Imma bring it. Its been brought (COD, though)"
AJ: "Imma let you finish, but I'm the best dance in the world."
Joy: "They call me Beyone at work...Just so you know.."
AJ: "Beyone? Is that like Beyonce? But the white version?"
Joy: "Dick"
Joy: "Beers"
AJ: "Dick beers? They make those? LOL"
Joy: "Gross. I hope not. Lol hard, tho."
Joy: "Oh. Ha. Just saw your Kayne joke. Love it!!"
AJ: "I love it, too!"
Joy: "Seriously, though. I've been accepted to this elite dance school but have befriended some African Americans who have been tring to teach my how to be cool and less white. Basically, I've got moooooves. I learnt them on th streets.."
AJ: "Maybe we can have a preview Friday before our big dance off Saturday in da cluuub."
Joy: "Hmmm...that would then give you time to practice...ehh..I guess I could hold back some.... Done."
AJ: "Oh, don't hold back on my account. I'm gonna go all Usher on your ass. Would say Britney, but she's cray-cray."
Joy: "Never! I'm bringing my meat dress, my scars from bashing Rhiana's face in, &my Justin Bieber harcut Sat nite & will probably do nothing more than embarrass myself."
AJ: "I'm coming in an egg/embryo."
Joy: "I'm going to just appear...there may be an explosion and some lights or something, but I will seemingly appear from fire...."
AJ: "I'm going to wear a big snake."
Joy: "I'm going to light my jheri curl in fire &pee my pants on-stage. I may or may not lip-synch my greatest hits."
AJ: "Well I'm gonna get fat and then go on Jenny Craig, the be on Dancing with the Stars and make out with Madonna at the mtv awards."
AJ: "I might even commission Weird Al to make a parody of the whole thing."
Joy: "I'm going to shave my head and go pantiless. I might dance at some point, while I pretend to not be married to Jay-Z."
So, as you see, it began very friendly and quickly turned durrrrty. And by dirty, I mean ridiculous. But, let's not be distracted by all the hype. Because there is going to be hype. Let's just focus on one thing: Are you Team Joy or Team AJ? You can't be both, and you can't choose neither. It's kind of like the ultimate "Sophie's Choice" but set in the lovely Charleston, as opposed to the Holocaust...
This Dance Off will commence Saturday night, or sometime this weekend.  One of us will post pictures- I think you know it probably won't be me, but I will try!  Have a good one!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Hey Summer, You Are Being Warned

When I left for work yesterday morning, it was almost cold outside.  When I returned?  It was warm, the air was heavy with moisture... and it was awesome.  Summer is coming!  And I intend to make every moment count.  I plan to spend all of my time in the sun, water, and fresh air with my family and friends.

As far as I am concerned, summer officially begins next weekend.  One of my dear friends from high school is getting married and we are celebrating the end to her single days with a nice, relaxing weekend at the Isle of Palms.  Okay, so maybe not relaxing, but I swear my goal is to get a nap in at some point (please?!). 

So I can just jet over after work and begin a little mini-vacation!  YAY!  The plan so far... food, drinks, more food, more drinks... and some time on the beach (weather permitting).  My new bikini is on the way.  I can't wait!!!

And OHMAHGAWD, my baby is turning a year old in less than TWO months!  I seriously might die.  Time to start the party planning!  They say that the party for the first year is more of a celebration for the parents.  You know, like, "We made it a whole year and he is still breathing!  High five!"  Yep, that will be us.  Because a lot of this year has been more about survival than anything else.  And it has been amazing.

Alright summer, BRING. IT. ON!

Monday, April 18, 2011

My Stories

A couple of years ago, my favorite soap was cancelled.  I watched Guiding Light religiously.  I mean RELIGIOUSLY.  It was a sad, sad day when it ended.

Now One Life to Live and All My Children are going, too.  I watch OLTL every once in a while.  It is so frustrating to me that a whole genre of television is disappearing.  And to be replaced with what?  The Chew and The Revolution.  More reality tv.  Fantastic.

I'm kind of over the whole reality thing.  Sure, I watched my share or Big Brother and I LUVED Laguna Beach and The Hills.  But I'm pretty much over it.  Give me some good 'ole fiction, escapism any day of the week.  Or every Monday through Friday, as the case may be.

Oh, and The Chew is supposed to be similar to The View.  Wow.  How original. 

I don't care if the same story is rehashed several times.  I don't mind suspending my disbelief and seeing someone come back on the canvas after I watched them die on screen.  And I certainly don't mind the abundance of hot guys that flood my television screen.

I don't want reality.  I want to live in a fantasy world sometimes.  Every once in a while it feels good to curl up on the couch with a glass of wine and watch my stories. 

Oh well.  Here's hoping that The Young & The Restless and General Hospital stick around a while longer.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My Fantasy List Post Should Be Here

I typed it yesterday, intended to post it today, but accidentally hit publish.  So today you get this...

A lovely picture of me and a few of my friends at the Prince concert.  I am in the pink, holding my jacket because I'm too cool to wear it indoors.  My hair is a mess and I have on sparkly silver and black boots.  The end.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My Fantasy List

I love making lists.  Like, REALLY love making lists.  To the extent that I am currently keeping a "fantasy" list on my Blackberry.  This list consists of items I plan to purchase when I get an awesomely fabulous job and can afford anything I've ever wanted.  Well, okay, not everything.  And I'm staying within a salary range of, oh let's say $70,000.  Something realistic.  So here is my list, including commentary.  And it is entitled "Stuff" if you ever come across my BB and need an update. 

  • Blue dress-  I have a certain one picked out
  • VS stuff-  Victoria's Secret, and clearly I overuse the word "stuff"
  • Shoes-  As in Manolos, Choos, Louboutins
  • Ulta-  Everything in it, just in general
  • Work Clothes-  Because I need some
  • Netflix-  I really want to start a new series, and I want to see the Wild Whites of WV or whatever it is called.  Also, I don't have time for a new series, as my DVR is already about to explode... or implode?  Whatever.
  • Freezer-  Speaking of exploding, we need one to put in the garage.
  • Electric knife-  This is for Jax.  Why would I need an electric knife?
  • Maternity proofs-  Because I never bought them a year ago.
  • Just an example...
  • Men's Wearhouse-  Again, for Jax.  I am so thoughtful!  I never realized this about myself (totally kidding, I knew- again, kidding).
  • Light comforter-  So I don't have to listen to Jax bitch about being hot.
  • Zumba-  I have no idea why this is on my list.  It should probably say liposuction instead.

And there you have it.  I am materialistic, but I love my husband.  LJ is not included because I pretty much just buy whatever I feel like I want need for him.

Spring is Springing! Part 1

 My driveway
 Miniature yellow roses in the backyard
 The blooms on the blueberry bush!
 The grapevine... maybe I'll try to make homemade wine this year.
 The pear tree looking much better this year.
Pretty little flowers

We live in Jax's grandmothers old house.  You may remember me mentioning that we are remodeling it.  Very slowly.  Anyway, she was an avid gardener.  Our yard has so many different kinds of flowers that bloom at different times.  Everything is SO pretty.  But my absolute favorite is the Tea Olive Tree.  If you are ever in the market for a pretty tree that blooms year around and smells fantastic, get a Tea Olive.  Delightful.

Okay, so this is part one.  IF I can ever get my slow computer to upload the pics, there will be a part two!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

1Q 2011: Update

I am doing surprisingly well on my goals for this year.  Yay me! 

1.  Read 5 books:  The Twilight series, Hot Mahoghany by Stuart Woods (love me some Stone Barrington, RAWR)

2.  Attend a concert or Best of Broadway musical:  PRINCE!

3.  Visit somewhere new.

4.  Take Jake to the zoo.

5.  Meet one of my blog friends.

6.  Try 5 new, fairly complicated recipes.

7.  Help Jax re-do our yard, plant flowers, etc.

8.  Finish Little J's baby book:  In progress

9.  Organize all of my recipes.

10.  Join a new organization:  I'm a Stella & Dot rep!  Oh, and I joined my church.

I believe I am making some good progress.  We shall consider the 1st Quarter a raging success!